Ok, The new 'Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara' is bad. But is it really so terrible that everybody has to make such scathing remarks?? Sorry but i beg to differ. Though the song is long, there were some wonderful moments. Infact I believe the good outweighs the bad and not the other way round.
Everybody is yelling at Salman for appearing shirtless. Well, that's how we all know him. Moreover I thought, his part was the best of the song with the deaf-mute kids doing the 'mile sur mera' part with signs..Guess nobody could see beyond the biceps of Salman. Thumbs up to that.
What is Priyanka doing? She doesnt deserve a place rite? Well, Priyanka is not important but what she was depicting definitely is. She takes a book from girl which obviously is a point to prove that 'Girl Education' which was considered a taboo (which unfortunately still is a taboo in many places) is getting it's due importance now. Thumbs up to that.
Just want to mention here that Priyanka Chopra and Aishwarya Rai were both 'Miss World' which allowed INDIA make a bold statement in the fashion world.
Shilpa Shetty is not needed. Agreed. But she sings in Rajasthan showing the harnessing of Solar Energy. Again i believe its just to show that, one of the most dry / arid lands of India is not accepting the defeat but accepting the challenge and is winning.Honest effort indeed.
Music...There was Sarod(Amjad Ali Khan), there was Sitar(Anoushka), there was Tabla(Zakir Hussein), Santoor(Shivkumar Sharma), Sankhar-Ehsaan-Loy, Louis Banks (Jazz ..), Sivamani, there was Fingerboard and what's missing? NATIONAL INTEGRATION..haan? It just proves India has not forgotten its classical instruments and is also accepting the new waves of ROCK and Jazz..........
Somebody was talking abt sportspersons missing. I thought it was very brave to get rid of cricketers and to show that INDIA is beginning to stamp its authority in other sports . Did you notice that there was Abhinav Bindra(shooter), Vijender Kumar(Boxer), Sushil Kumar(Wrestler), Baichang Bhutia(Football), Gopichand and Saina Nehwal(Badminton) and Mary Kom. Mary Kom is a four time consecutive World Amateur Boxing champ from Manipur, INDIA.
There was the Golden Temple, there was Onam, there was Kuchipudi, there were kids who were under the age of 10 and there were kids who were more than 60 years old , there were temples, there were rivers, there were Elephants, there was Qutb Minar, there was Jama Masjid, there was Red Fort, there were backwaters of Kerala..gosh ...its never ending....
I might even say Deepika Padukone is there to just say that the 'next generation' is taking over with her father being part of the previous 'Mile Sur'. Relax I would not say that. Honestly.... Shahid, Ranbir, Deepika, shah Rukh, Karan Johar, Shiamak Davar were never needed...
Ok guys...just as you struggled to find all the 'negatives' I just struggled to find all the positives and guess I found many..I liked it and will watch it again and again..
PEACE!!!!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Self - help anybody???
Next time, if you are in mood for reading a comedy book, *DO NOT* go to the humor section the store, but step up to the 'Self - Help' section. Trust me, you will not be disappointed. Right from
the titles to the content to the ridiculously over-priced multi-day programs.
This is more like a chain reaction. What happens is one person writes a book, and it can so very easily lead to a multitude of books.Here's an example.
" How to know what you want? " . So Author B reads this title and then releases a book "How to GET what you want". Then author C releases "How to discard things that you do not want" and then author D releases "Why do you want something?"....Get the drift??
Here are some more "real - good" self-help titles.
* "Who are you really? What do you want?"
* "Staying Sane"
* "How to select a self help book"
* "Shifting course to achieve success."
* "Why staying on course is important."
So some guy decides to hell with all the books and decides to write "The Last Self help book you will ever need".
Make no mistake, I am not making fun of any of these authors and I completely respect them. In fact some or most of them are wonderful orators.
But what is ridiculous is the ridiculously simple solutions they give in some of their books.
You need not be surprised if you come across a chapter which says "How to sleep less and achieve more" and the first line being , "The secret to this is waking up early". Ya right. Thank you.
Ridiculous isn't it?
And most definitely you can come across something like this with cross references.
"Ever wondered why it is so tough to be yourself? Wonder no more, because its not tough to be yourself. The truth of the matter is that you have always been yourself and its only that you never knew about it (For more, Read my book 'HOW TO THINK EFFECTIVELY') . Now you know. Go out and feel free. Say yes when you have to say YES. Say no when you have to say NO. Be straightforward (For more on this, read my book HOW TO BE STRAIGHTFORWARD). Its all easy."
Just as 3-fight, 6-song formula works for Telugu movies, there is a formula for self-help books as well. Maybe I should write the book titled "How to author a fabulous self-help book or series".
Here you go.
Write your first self-help book with a fantastic central character. Say for Ex: "Change your life with Giant Gonzalez"
Now, split your first book into a weird number of chapters or pages. Ex: " 69 pages of wisdom from Giant Gonzalez". And just take some chapters from the above book and fill exactly 65 pages. Yes not 69 but 65 pages.
Now write a book saying "The hidden 4 pages of wisdom from Giant Gonzalez".
By now, Giant Gonzalez will be a popular character. (All this assuming your first book is a success.)
So, now just keep adding the most haunting problems and solve them with Giant Gonzalez. And you just have to re-use everything from your first book.
For Ex: "How to get a girlfriend with help from Giant Gonzalez", "changing careers with help from Giant Gonzalez", "When would Giant Gonzalez retire?"..so on..You can just re-use everything from your successful book.
I have to admit that I have read quite a few self-help books. But when I look back, I just do not even understand the concept of self-help.
Its a pity that somebody has to tell you what you want, what you don't want, how to work on getting what you want etc.
One of the books advocates the thought of just saying to yourself and sticking to it. Ex: Next time when you procrastinate waking up at 6:00am, just say loudly to yourself "NO I WILL WAKE UP AT 6:00am" and wake up. If this worked for you, next time try this when you go to the "Self-Help" section of the store. Just say to yourself. "FUCK YOU ALL..I DO NOT NEED SELF-HELP"...
the titles to the content to the ridiculously over-priced multi-day programs.
This is more like a chain reaction. What happens is one person writes a book, and it can so very easily lead to a multitude of books.Here's an example.
" How to know what you want? " . So Author B reads this title and then releases a book "How to GET what you want". Then author C releases "How to discard things that you do not want" and then author D releases "Why do you want something?"....Get the drift??
Here are some more "real - good" self-help titles.
* "Who are you really? What do you want?"
* "Staying Sane"
* "How to select a self help book"
* "Shifting course to achieve success."
* "Why staying on course is important."
So some guy decides to hell with all the books and decides to write "The Last Self help book you will ever need".
Make no mistake, I am not making fun of any of these authors and I completely respect them. In fact some or most of them are wonderful orators.
But what is ridiculous is the ridiculously simple solutions they give in some of their books.
You need not be surprised if you come across a chapter which says "How to sleep less and achieve more" and the first line being , "The secret to this is waking up early". Ya right. Thank you.
Ridiculous isn't it?
And most definitely you can come across something like this with cross references.
"Ever wondered why it is so tough to be yourself? Wonder no more, because its not tough to be yourself. The truth of the matter is that you have always been yourself and its only that you never knew about it (For more, Read my book 'HOW TO THINK EFFECTIVELY') . Now you know. Go out and feel free. Say yes when you have to say YES. Say no when you have to say NO. Be straightforward (For more on this, read my book HOW TO BE STRAIGHTFORWARD). Its all easy."
Just as 3-fight, 6-song formula works for Telugu movies, there is a formula for self-help books as well. Maybe I should write the book titled "How to author a fabulous self-help book or series".
Here you go.
Write your first self-help book with a fantastic central character. Say for Ex: "Change your life with Giant Gonzalez"
Now, split your first book into a weird number of chapters or pages. Ex: " 69 pages of wisdom from Giant Gonzalez". And just take some chapters from the above book and fill exactly 65 pages. Yes not 69 but 65 pages.
Now write a book saying "The hidden 4 pages of wisdom from Giant Gonzalez".
By now, Giant Gonzalez will be a popular character. (All this assuming your first book is a success.)
So, now just keep adding the most haunting problems and solve them with Giant Gonzalez. And you just have to re-use everything from your first book.
For Ex: "How to get a girlfriend with help from Giant Gonzalez", "changing careers with help from Giant Gonzalez", "When would Giant Gonzalez retire?"..so on..You can just re-use everything from your successful book.
I have to admit that I have read quite a few self-help books. But when I look back, I just do not even understand the concept of self-help.
Its a pity that somebody has to tell you what you want, what you don't want, how to work on getting what you want etc.
One of the books advocates the thought of just saying to yourself and sticking to it. Ex: Next time when you procrastinate waking up at 6:00am, just say loudly to yourself "NO I WILL WAKE UP AT 6:00am" and wake up. If this worked for you, next time try this when you go to the "Self-Help" section of the store. Just say to yourself. "FUCK YOU ALL..I DO NOT NEED SELF-HELP"...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
My encounter with an IITian
IITs and IIMs the premier institutes of the country - Every person's dream(or is it ?? ) to be an alumni of these institutes...
I am sure one would be very proud of studying in this college. Proud they are. When I was in chennai i had the privelege of working with this guy from IIT who just joined my team. I finished one year in TCS and he was a fresher. So obviously he had to get the required training from me. This guy had an aura, he walked with such confidence and talked with hell lot of confidence. I was like 'Wow...IIT is IIT'. Then I started explaining what we do, and this person started cribbing.."I cant believe i will be working in such a project". For first few days, we were talking fine, i never bothered about all his cribbing. But after few days he went overboard and I was fed up. Its time to hit back. So this is how it went..Lets call that guy Raj (Man, i like this name Raj..i donno why)
First reaction of Raj for any work that is assigned would be to say 'I cant believe I have to do this'. One fine day I asked him to write a piece of code for some functionality. He said 'This is so boring...'.Then I asked what fascinates you then? HE eyes lit like a 10000 watt light and was like..'I like challenges, I love to have a tough problem to solve..all this is so straight forward'. Then i said, "Ok then..forget the functionality and just fill the excel sheet with the defects left to be fixed and finish it by end of the day'. He was shocked and said 'Srini, i dont think you get it..I am from IIT, Indian Institute of TEchnology'..Having just seen the fedex-MBA ad i asked him 'Oh, in that case should i teach you how to use the excel sheet'..He had no answer and finished filling the excel sheet. This started something new. I found it funny and entertaining to pull his leg on him being from IIT (Please dont mistake me..I have full respect for ppl who are from IIT or IIM..Its just that this guy was getting under my skin)..
So few days from then..this guy was sitting reading something. I just went to his desk and asked him 'What sir, bored?'. His reply was 'Ya, super bored..i want something challenging' (Phew..wats with this challenge, why dont someone pls challenge them to a boxing ring and knock them out)..I said 'I think you will have fun solving this problem. You wanna try?'.He was so happy and said 'I am all ready. Shoot'. And then i asked him this 'If there is an elevator which goes at 2 kilometers per hour and each step is 1 foot high and instead of standing on the elevator i keep walking and take 2 steps ahead and one step back, and if the height of the elevator is 30 feet, how soon will i reach the top"?..He said 'Can you repeat?'. I replied 'No, because i dont know what i asked you'. Then he was very angry and said, in that case you dont know the answer as well. I replied 'I cant believe you were expecting for a key, being an IITian you are'. He was like 'You better ask some better questions and sure i will answer'. I said 'you better start listening'
So then, after few days we were in canteen having a dosa. So suddenly i asked him 'If two ppl finish 4 dosas in 3 hours, how many dosas will i finish in the next 5 minutes'. He said 'Data is not sufficient'. Believe me I was laughing for the next five minutes so loudly that everyone was looking at our table and this guys face has become red...as red as it can get...
Now he got my intentions and understood I am not asking serious questions so then he stopped answering me and started scolding me..'Stop farting, you are asking stupid questions'. My next questions included 'If you take to bus every day, and if there is no traffic jam, how many watts of electricity is needed for our office?', 'If there is a virus attack on all the computers in our company, can you send an sms thru your mobile phone?', 'If you got your salary on the 31st of the month, by how many points will sensex rise?', 'If Olympics were to be held in India, what is the process for bidding?'..so on and so forth...The questions only got dumb, dumber and dumbest...
And this guy realised that and said 'Let me ask you a question'..I said ok go ahead...So this was his question 'A person takes a boat every weekday from one village to another village. And the boats capacity is 10 + (1). The boat is never full. On Monday there are 4ppl, Tuesday -5, Wednesday - 8, Thursday 7 and Friday -5. The owner says, I will give you a full rebate if you make sure that the boat is full. So this person goes around the village and tries to get 10 ppl. On Monday , he talks to about 20ppl and raises the number to 6 on Monday, and on Tuesday he talks to 30 ppl and raises the number to 7.On Wednesday there is rain, so he is the only guy and Thursday he falls sick because he went in the rain. And Friday it still sits with 5ppl. So going by this trend, which day the boat will be Full..." I spontaneously replied 'Thursday'. He was shocked. There was silence for 2 seconds and we both laughed. I said, "Its simple boss, be stupid to stupid ppl"...
This guy apparently decided to move ahead in life..and got into IIM and is now a Manager at an Investment Banking Firm.
And he now talks only in managerial terms...I did work with Managers and I have friends who are MANAGERS..More about Managers in my next post :-)
PS:- Now its your turn to guess whether the above post is fact or fiction ;-)
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Bollywood ishtyle love story @ work
I had a team member from Delhi whose name was Soni. We were good friends as we were of the same age and had lot of fun talking and spending time together. The oldies of the team i.e. my client John and my lead Raj and the other team members thought there was something FISHY.
It all started when my boss Mr.John was checking a list of To-do's on a board. He was asking me "Is 1) done?, Is 2) done..." There were 10 on the board , and all 10 were done. So i stopped listening to him and i just started saying yeah..yeahhhh..and out of nowhere he asked 'Are you looking at SONI'??...i said "yeahhh" and then he asked "Are you guys goin out?"..I said yeahhhhhh and then he asked "is 7) done" i said ya...and then i realised wat i said and when i raised my head towards John., he had a BROAD smile, his lips goin from west to east and his eyebrows doing a hip hop. Before i could correct what i said, the business team walked in and we had a meeting that lasted 5 hours and i did not get a chance to clarify.
Next day, my dear John was @ Soni's desk already helping me out. He was saying this to her 'I think Srini(Me..) likes you very very much. I think you both make a very good pair'. Immediately Soni calls me and says 'What the hell man, I thought only Indians think like this'. And dont ask me why, for some reason I was enjoying this and decided not to clarify anybody. And boy, it was such a wonderful decision, without which i would have not been writing this :-)
She works on 30th floor, and we sit on 20th floor in a conference hall.She comes to the 20th floor whenever we have a meeting. So, we always communicate thru the messenger.
So, the next day I was asking her for her birthday treat. She was not ready to give, saying it was over like 2 months back. But i was forcing her and the last sentence on the conversation was..'Me: You have to take me out for lunch'. Then she did not reply, and we were all set for a meeting. I have a presentation to make. As fate has it, i just plugged in the projector, and was making some final adjustments and this lady pings me 'Ok lunch tomorrow, you and I only and nobody else..ok??'. And i had 3 of my business team, 3 of my solutions team , my 5 team members, the IT director and the manager staring at this and everybody had a smirk on their face. Again i just ignored and in walks soni after 5 minutes. And gosh everyone started pulling our legs. "Looks like its a busy day for soni tomorrow". And she thought it was abt work and she replies 'Oh ya i committed for something, and i have to make sure i do the justice' and the others reply..'ya ya, we all know and everybody laughs'. She has a confused look and i continue enjoying it ;-)
Next day 4pm i was waiting on the ground floor for somebody and this lady comes from back and hits me on my head with her handbag and starts talkin to me. Then i see the time, and pointing my hand towards my watch i ask 'You leaving already? its just 4pm' and in the background i see Mr.John and rest of the team members walking with their coffee. Then she left and im done with meeting whoever i had to and I went back to my place in 2 minutes from then. The moment I open the door of my conference room, John and others have a confused look and say..'What, are you done with ur 'Koffee with Soni' already?, we just saw you down'. Then I replied 'No we did not go for coffee'. Then Mr.John walks slowly to me and says 'Listen Srini, dont let petty things come into your relation. Relations are very important and you will come to know only when you lose them.' I was really realy really confused..And then one of my team-members clarifies saying 'We saw you down and you were shouting at Soni, showing your watch scolding her why she kept you waiting for so long..Man we cant believe you did not go just because she kept you waiting'. Again i just ignored, and did not give any explanation. Smile was my answer
I was living in suburbs till this time, and she lived in downtown. Our lease was over and we also decided to move to the same apartments in downtown because its very close to office. But everyone thinks i moved because of her:-)
Then the next day John informs Soni that I moved to downtown and she smiles and says 'He moved to MY PLACE' and John thinks i moved to her place i.e. i shared my apartment with her. Again., I just ignored :-)
There were tons of instances like these. Jeff would find me waiting for the elevator and asks me 'Oh goin for coffee....with whom?'. Before I could answer, the elevator opens , and soni smiles at us and he says to me 'Ok you dont have to answer'. She was just goin in her own direction.
Days passed by, we started having fights @ work. Nothing personal about it, but @ work we had serious differences. We started fighting openly and the icing on the cake was appraisal. She got a raw deal in appraisal and she decided to quit. I tried to talk her out of it but was not successful.
I must say it was a joy working with her. She was one of those girls who made you LAUGH. She had a fabulous sense of humor.
One fine day she quit, and went back to India and lived happily ever after :-) . Its been 7 months since she left and even now my business team asks me 'Do you miss Soni' for which my answer as always is just a simple SMILE :-)
PS: Hope you enjoyed the post. Everything posted above is purely fictional.
It all started when my boss Mr.John was checking a list of To-do's on a board. He was asking me "Is 1) done?, Is 2) done..." There were 10 on the board , and all 10 were done. So i stopped listening to him and i just started saying yeah..yeahhhh..and out of nowhere he asked 'Are you looking at SONI'??...i said "yeahhh" and then he asked "Are you guys goin out?"..I said yeahhhhhh and then he asked "is 7) done" i said ya...and then i realised wat i said and when i raised my head towards John., he had a BROAD smile, his lips goin from west to east and his eyebrows doing a hip hop. Before i could correct what i said, the business team walked in and we had a meeting that lasted 5 hours and i did not get a chance to clarify.
Next day, my dear John was @ Soni's desk already helping me out. He was saying this to her 'I think Srini(Me..) likes you very very much. I think you both make a very good pair'. Immediately Soni calls me and says 'What the hell man, I thought only Indians think like this'. And dont ask me why, for some reason I was enjoying this and decided not to clarify anybody. And boy, it was such a wonderful decision, without which i would have not been writing this :-)
She works on 30th floor, and we sit on 20th floor in a conference hall.She comes to the 20th floor whenever we have a meeting. So, we always communicate thru the messenger.
So, the next day I was asking her for her birthday treat. She was not ready to give, saying it was over like 2 months back. But i was forcing her and the last sentence on the conversation was..'Me: You have to take me out for lunch'. Then she did not reply, and we were all set for a meeting. I have a presentation to make. As fate has it, i just plugged in the projector, and was making some final adjustments and this lady pings me 'Ok lunch tomorrow, you and I only and nobody else..ok??'. And i had 3 of my business team, 3 of my solutions team , my 5 team members, the IT director and the manager staring at this and everybody had a smirk on their face. Again i just ignored and in walks soni after 5 minutes. And gosh everyone started pulling our legs. "Looks like its a busy day for soni tomorrow". And she thought it was abt work and she replies 'Oh ya i committed for something, and i have to make sure i do the justice' and the others reply..'ya ya, we all know and everybody laughs'. She has a confused look and i continue enjoying it ;-)
Next day 4pm i was waiting on the ground floor for somebody and this lady comes from back and hits me on my head with her handbag and starts talkin to me. Then i see the time, and pointing my hand towards my watch i ask 'You leaving already? its just 4pm' and in the background i see Mr.John and rest of the team members walking with their coffee. Then she left and im done with meeting whoever i had to and I went back to my place in 2 minutes from then. The moment I open the door of my conference room, John and others have a confused look and say..'What, are you done with ur 'Koffee with Soni' already?, we just saw you down'. Then I replied 'No we did not go for coffee'. Then Mr.John walks slowly to me and says 'Listen Srini, dont let petty things come into your relation. Relations are very important and you will come to know only when you lose them.' I was really realy really confused..And then one of my team-members clarifies saying 'We saw you down and you were shouting at Soni, showing your watch scolding her why she kept you waiting for so long..Man we cant believe you did not go just because she kept you waiting'. Again i just ignored, and did not give any explanation. Smile was my answer
I was living in suburbs till this time, and she lived in downtown. Our lease was over and we also decided to move to the same apartments in downtown because its very close to office. But everyone thinks i moved because of her:-)
Then the next day John informs Soni that I moved to downtown and she smiles and says 'He moved to MY PLACE' and John thinks i moved to her place i.e. i shared my apartment with her. Again., I just ignored :-)
There were tons of instances like these. Jeff would find me waiting for the elevator and asks me 'Oh goin for coffee....with whom?'. Before I could answer, the elevator opens , and soni smiles at us and he says to me 'Ok you dont have to answer'. She was just goin in her own direction.
Days passed by, we started having fights @ work. Nothing personal about it, but @ work we had serious differences. We started fighting openly and the icing on the cake was appraisal. She got a raw deal in appraisal and she decided to quit. I tried to talk her out of it but was not successful.
I must say it was a joy working with her. She was one of those girls who made you LAUGH. She had a fabulous sense of humor.
One fine day she quit, and went back to India and lived happily ever after :-) . Its been 7 months since she left and even now my business team asks me 'Do you miss Soni' for which my answer as always is just a simple SMILE :-)
PS: Hope you enjoyed the post. Everything posted above is purely fictional.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Work can be fun...Hell yeah it can be fun
Read on...
LAST WEEK I had the privelege of working with Insurance underwriters who are aged between 50 and 60 and who have been working since the 'paper' age. Now they have to use the application which was developed by my team and believe me they just dont like computers and have no clue about anything. There was a business emergency last weekend and 30 of the underwriters had to work on saturday and I had to help them if they ran into any difficulties.
I was just not able to digest the fact that I had to work on saturday but then..."What" a day it has been...One of those rare 'memorable' days at work.Here goes some of the conversations.
Guidelines:
1) X here is an American who is atleast 50 years old.
2) Please try reading everything from X in an American accent.
PS : (No its not the end of the blog..) These ladies and gentlemen never worked on a Windows system.
I was introduced to all the 30 underwriters and everyone was given my telephone extension so that they can either call me or they can even directly come to my desk. Everybody has to login to the application with a user id "creator" and start working.
I take my place at about 7:30 am in the morning.
AT 7:35 am i get a call.
X: Hi there, you know wat..you might not like it but I ran into a problem already. Can you stop by?
Me: Alright, I am coming.As i walk towards her cubicle, I find her talking on phone. She doesnt notice me, and this is what she says on phone. "(Angrily) Man...I always hated this screen stuff. Paper was always the best. There is this white thing on my screen and it says I dont have priveleges, what the hell...I have been working in this company for 35 years and "NOW" I dont have priveleges......" and then she turns around to see me and says "Oh..you are here.."..I nod...and then she says on phone "Ok..the cables and wires guy is here..I will talk to ya later..bye" (Cables and wires guy??????)
Me: Ok so what is the problem you are facing ?
X: I just cant do ANYTHING.
Me: Oh..what happened?
X: I tried to login and it says you have no priveleges..
Me: Oh, maybe you really dont have. What is the user id that you used?
X: The same thing which I use for my Yahoo mail. I would have tried some other id, but I use Yahoo only.(Believe me guys, I did my best to not laugh at her but I laughed eventually..so had to do some damage control)
Me: (Laughing) Oh that was a good catch..You know wat, our application is not yet designed to handle your Yahoo ids. Maybe we can allow that in future but for now please log in with the id "creator".X: Oh..ok so that means I can log in..I thought I will go home..Both of us laugh...I laugh till I reach my place...:-)
I get another call
X: Can you help me? I cant log in
Me: (Fresh from memories of previous encounter) Are you using the id "creator"?
X: yes
Me: Hmm..Ok I will stop by..
I dont understand what the problem is...so i ask her ..
Me: Can you open a new window.
X: (very confused, looking directly at the nearest window). Did you just ask me to open the window? Its 0 degrees outside. (I thought this happened only in forward mails)
Me: No, I just wanted you open a new window and i opened the Internet Explorer.
X: You call that a window??? Well, then do you have doors, restrooms, powder rooms, kitchens and roofs in ther as well??
(Before i could say anything)
X: (Laughs) just kidding... We call it the "e-thing". Anyways thank you for your help.
The next one...
X: Hello, can you come and help me. I am not understanding the screens.
Me: Sure. ( I walk to her desk)She asks me how to enter values on a screen.
Me: Select one of the values from the "dropdown".X: Select of the values from the "what"?
Me: Hmm..the dropdown that you see ther?
X: A "dropdown"??
Me: I take the mouse and go and click on the dropdown menu which now drops showing all the values.Now she gives million dollar expression as if like totally shocked and surprised.,
X: Wow, you rolled up all those things into that thing there, as if into a blanket..Wow...can i just try selecting a value..(I nod and give her the mouse)She plays with it selecting each of the values and gives me a big smile..I smile back
X: Ok, that was so cool..so what should i do now.........
Next day, there were only 10 ppl working so we all sit in a big conference hall and continue working.A new printer had to be setup.
So a guy walks in and explains how to configure the new printer.
This guy had a bad habit of calling forward slash a backward slash and a backward slash as a forward slash. So this is how it goes
Guy: Everybody please key in S :(read colon) followed by \ (read forward slash) followed by the printer name.
X : Did you mean backward slash?
Guy : (Seriously) when i say forward slash i mean forward slash..
X: hmm..it doesnt accept..
Guy: lets do it again...please key in S:\(read forward slash)
X: It doesnt work again.
Guy: Ladies, please enter S: followed by the key that is on top of the "Enter" key. Thats it ..all hells break lose.......Now all the ladies together yell "There is no forward slash on top of Enter key. Its backward slash...."..."Man i knew there was something goofy in what he was saying...".."I never bothered, he was always wrong"...."I say lets not take any printouts anymore..SAVE PAPER"....
I never intervened..I just enjoyed the show.
These are few incidents that happened on that wonderful weekend...There were tons and tons more....and something rare is happening in my life..Im enjoying my WORK...............
More to come....:-)
LAST WEEK I had the privelege of working with Insurance underwriters who are aged between 50 and 60 and who have been working since the 'paper' age. Now they have to use the application which was developed by my team and believe me they just dont like computers and have no clue about anything. There was a business emergency last weekend and 30 of the underwriters had to work on saturday and I had to help them if they ran into any difficulties.
I was just not able to digest the fact that I had to work on saturday but then..."What" a day it has been...One of those rare 'memorable' days at work.Here goes some of the conversations.
Guidelines:
1) X here is an American who is atleast 50 years old.
2) Please try reading everything from X in an American accent.
PS : (No its not the end of the blog..) These ladies and gentlemen never worked on a Windows system.
I was introduced to all the 30 underwriters and everyone was given my telephone extension so that they can either call me or they can even directly come to my desk. Everybody has to login to the application with a user id "creator" and start working.
I take my place at about 7:30 am in the morning.
AT 7:35 am i get a call.
X: Hi there, you know wat..you might not like it but I ran into a problem already. Can you stop by?
Me: Alright, I am coming.As i walk towards her cubicle, I find her talking on phone. She doesnt notice me, and this is what she says on phone. "(Angrily) Man...I always hated this screen stuff. Paper was always the best. There is this white thing on my screen and it says I dont have priveleges, what the hell...I have been working in this company for 35 years and "NOW" I dont have priveleges......" and then she turns around to see me and says "Oh..you are here.."..I nod...and then she says on phone "Ok..the cables and wires guy is here..I will talk to ya later..bye" (Cables and wires guy??????)
Me: Ok so what is the problem you are facing ?
X: I just cant do ANYTHING.
Me: Oh..what happened?
X: I tried to login and it says you have no priveleges..
Me: Oh, maybe you really dont have. What is the user id that you used?
X: The same thing which I use for my Yahoo mail. I would have tried some other id, but I use Yahoo only.(Believe me guys, I did my best to not laugh at her but I laughed eventually..so had to do some damage control)
Me: (Laughing) Oh that was a good catch..You know wat, our application is not yet designed to handle your Yahoo ids. Maybe we can allow that in future but for now please log in with the id "creator".X: Oh..ok so that means I can log in..I thought I will go home..Both of us laugh...I laugh till I reach my place...:-)
I get another call
X: Can you help me? I cant log in
Me: (Fresh from memories of previous encounter) Are you using the id "creator"?
X: yes
Me: Hmm..Ok I will stop by..
I dont understand what the problem is...so i ask her ..
Me: Can you open a new window.
X: (very confused, looking directly at the nearest window). Did you just ask me to open the window? Its 0 degrees outside. (I thought this happened only in forward mails)
Me: No, I just wanted you open a new window and i opened the Internet Explorer.
X: You call that a window??? Well, then do you have doors, restrooms, powder rooms, kitchens and roofs in ther as well??
(Before i could say anything)
X: (Laughs) just kidding... We call it the "e-thing". Anyways thank you for your help.
The next one...
X: Hello, can you come and help me. I am not understanding the screens.
Me: Sure. ( I walk to her desk)She asks me how to enter values on a screen.
Me: Select one of the values from the "dropdown".X: Select of the values from the "what"?
Me: Hmm..the dropdown that you see ther?
X: A "dropdown"??
Me: I take the mouse and go and click on the dropdown menu which now drops showing all the values.Now she gives million dollar expression as if like totally shocked and surprised.,
X: Wow, you rolled up all those things into that thing there, as if into a blanket..Wow...can i just try selecting a value..(I nod and give her the mouse)She plays with it selecting each of the values and gives me a big smile..I smile back
X: Ok, that was so cool..so what should i do now.........
Next day, there were only 10 ppl working so we all sit in a big conference hall and continue working.A new printer had to be setup.
So a guy walks in and explains how to configure the new printer.
This guy had a bad habit of calling forward slash a backward slash and a backward slash as a forward slash. So this is how it goes
Guy: Everybody please key in S :(read colon) followed by \ (read forward slash) followed by the printer name.
X : Did you mean backward slash?
Guy : (Seriously) when i say forward slash i mean forward slash..
X: hmm..it doesnt accept..
Guy: lets do it again...please key in S:\(read forward slash)
X: It doesnt work again.
Guy: Ladies, please enter S: followed by the key that is on top of the "Enter" key. Thats it ..all hells break lose.......Now all the ladies together yell "There is no forward slash on top of Enter key. Its backward slash...."..."Man i knew there was something goofy in what he was saying...".."I never bothered, he was always wrong"...."I say lets not take any printouts anymore..SAVE PAPER"....
I never intervened..I just enjoyed the show.
These are few incidents that happened on that wonderful weekend...There were tons and tons more....and something rare is happening in my life..Im enjoying my WORK...............
More to come....:-)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Slumdog Millionaire
I was watching SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE the other night in a theater 3/4ths filled with Americans.
Its a rags to riches tale of young man who is the 'slumdog' of the movie who goes on to win more than million rupees in the show only to raise doubts on his ability to answer as he never had any proper education.
What's gripping about the movie is the screenplay and how tightly coupled the movie is. It keeps you engaged till the end and the riveting performances only add to the flavor.Its got some very good ratings and wonderful reviews from all the 'critics'.
But then, I am not entirely convinced at some of the scenes and dialogues of the movies. The movies starts with lives of slum dwellers in mumbai depicting them extremely close to reality or maybe even beyond reality. The scenes would have been great if the whole movie was a depiction of a slum-dweller's life. But the movie gradually switches its tone and becomes more of a love story which questions the purpose of these scenes.
I have serious objection to one of the scenes. In this scene, the kid takes an american couple who drive a BENZ to some sight-seeing.This was a setup by the kid, so that his friends loot the car. And now the couple along with their driver return only to find that the whole car was looted (including the tyres), with the body of car resting on a pile of bricks. At this point, the driver just hammers the boy while the american couple stop him. Then the kid says 'You wanted to see real INDIA, here it is..' and the lady replies 'Son, I will show you what real AMERICA is..' and hands him over some money. Can anyone explain to me what the director or the writer is trying to say here. Is he saying, if you steal a car in AMERICA, the car owner will give you some money saying 'this is REAL America'.
Ok the movie is good. Ok The technical values are perfect. Ok the performances are good. Ok it has great reviews. Alright it has a gripping screenplay. But what's with CRIBBING about the country.
I am what 24 years old now..and throughout my life i have learnt 'There is no short cut to success'. I bet there is. You want to know how? Read on..
You are a budding photographer? Capture a photo of a beggar who is 4 years old or even simple get a panoramic view of a big slum in INDIA...You will be famous.
You are a budding movie director? Create a video scolding the system, something like politicians doing nothing but blocking the traffic to let their motorcade go, something like policemen taking bribe and laughing, while a 6 year old kid toils hard in a mechanic shop in the background and earns 5 rupees. You will be critically acclaimed.
You are a budding artist?..Draw a wonderful painting. Divide the canvas into four quadrants. Draw the Indian map in the middle making sure atleast some part of the quadrant is covered by INDIAN map. Now in the first quadrant, draw the life of slum dweller including a big picture of slum, with ppl begging and stealing and getting into prostitution. In the second quadrant draw a picture of big industries and in the foreground depict as if, industrialization is possible only through bribe. In the third quadrant, draw a heavily packed train with ppl above, inside and under it, depicting POPULATION pulls this country down. And in the fourth quadrant, draw parliament house and a group of politicians and somehow depict INDIA is what it is, only because of POLITICIANS. And BEHOLD, you will be FAMOUS.
You are a budding lyricist?.. Write an amazing song scolding the system left, right and center. You might as well hear reviews of your song on the lines of 'The writer has taken such subtle care of touching even the minute problems that this country faces today that his effort has to be appreciated'.
Whatever field you are in, just try (honestly) scolding the system and blaming the system. I bet you will be famous.
Frankly guys, I am so frustrated with all the cribbing. There are tons of videos on youtube which shows children are not provided proper education, but then wat does one gain with such a video?
I am not trying to make any point here. I am not saying 'Be the change you want to see'. I am just saying atleast Dont talk the change , you want to see when you cant 'do' anything about it. Well, both sentences mean almost the same. Do they? Just read them again and you should find a simple difference.
Friday, October 10, 2008
"Meetings"..can still be funny
Team : Raj, Me,Nikki, Chris, John
Raj, Me, Nikki --- Indians
Chris - Polish settled in America
John - American
Raj - Project Lead
Scene 1
Nikki : Ok, all we have to do is 12 (into) 2 and we get 24 installments...
John : No, i lost it..all we are trying to do is get the installments rite..
Nikki : Yes 12 (into) 2 gives 24 installments
John: No, i thought 12 (into) 2 is 6...hmm...ok lets do it together..
(Walking to the board) this is crazy man.....
(writing on the board) ok so 12 / 2 is 6 isnt it..(read it as ...ok so 12(into) 2 is 6 isnt it)
Nikki (walking to the board)...No John.....i said 12 * 2 is 24..(read it as 12 into 2 is 24)
John : ohhhhhhhhh man........i thought when u said 12 into 2 is you are making 12 "into" 2 parts....what the hell...
Nikki: no John...i mean 12 * 2 is, i multiply 12 , 2 times...
Client : where the hell did u get that "into" from?
Nikki...hmm...well..
ME : Well, we can come to a conclusion here.., we are all good at mathematics...it took 3 ppl to come to find out that 12*2 = 24 and we write programs to calculate insurance premiums...(everybody laughs)
Scene 2
Chris : Srini, can u connect the projector to ur laptop.
Me : Yes...after 2 min...hmm...i cant connect the cable Chris..looks like something is wrong with the port..
Chris : Let me see..Raj : let me see as well..(Finally we find the right slot)
Chris : wow, it takes 3 ppl to connect a projector to laptop..fabulous team.
Me : hahaha
Raj : can u switch on the projector john?
John: ya...(he switches it on..and it doesnt project)
Chris : let me help u (and it projects)
Me : wow, it takes only 2 ppl now to switch on the projector.
John: yaaaa...awesome job..we are improving, we will get ther..great job guys..Everybody laughs again..
Scene 3
John : Hi guys, hows it goin...done with ur lunch?
Raj : yep..
Me : yes, we are all set..
John: So, what do u guys eat. you face any problems here in America?
Me : Well..veggies might face a problem..but as for me, I am a strict non-vegetarian. (Everyone laughs)
Raj : Non-Vegetarians also face a problem sometimes.
John : And how is that.
Raj : We dont eat pig, cow, buffalo, sheep, beef,ham,bacon,steak, pork....watever..
( I was shocked when my lead actually said this, and you should look at the face on my client here..)
John : (a frustrated look) well..I donno abt u guys but I love beef..and ya i love pork as well..
Raj : Na...na...na...If you eat pig, you know wat happens, you get that tapeworm into ur stomach, and your stomach becomes a big mess.
(Meanwhile i was pinging him on his messenger..."Boss..plz stop it..control urself")
John: Oh, is it never heard of it though.
Raj : Yaa, thing is, pigs in india are not raised like here in USA. Pigs in india are equivalent to dirty animals, germ carriers, disease breeders...
(Meanwhile I on messenger..."bosssssssss...will u please stop it)
Client: Oh, well..
Raj : Also , cow u know........(I stop him)
Me : But actually I love beef, its good.
John : Thats my man....See...
(Meanwhile my lead sees the messenger and starts damage control)
Raj : Ya actually, i have gone to muslim dinners and they serve some excellent beef..
John : Aaah..Never mind...bottom line is i love beef....
Scene 4
Client here is polish
Me : Hey Nikki, i say the premium is calculated wrong on that screen...(and i donno why i said but i said..) haan ki na?
Nikki: haan.
Chris (Slowly walks to the board) : And writes HUKEENA. hmm..I see that and others dont notice that..and i walk to the board and write under HUKEENA..."haan ki naa" = "Yes or no".Meanwhile John gets his eyes on the board and says.."well..well..some language lessons goin on here..let me see what did i miss.."haan ki na" is "yes or no" in hindi..and "hukeena" is "yes or no" in polish...." man im a genius..I can go and settle down either in India or Poland..Rest of the room laughs...and he still doesnt know exactly why we laughed..
Scene 5
Team lunch in an indian restaurant.
Everyone in line for buffet in this order..Chris(Polish), followed by Raj( Tamilian) then me and others..first item in the buffet was "SAMBAR"
Chris: Oh..this is a different soup..hmm..looks thick..lot of stuff in it..hmm..looks tasty....
Lead(Very angry, calls a waiter) : How can you do such a senseless thing... How can u put sambar first...People will start thinking it is a soup..Well, chris you can have the soup , its good actually
(I promise, i had to use all my controlling power to stop myself my bursting out with laughter..because of the look on my Chris's face)
Believe me Chris did not even take sambar that day..Then..
Chris : tell me guys, how do i eat this thing here showing Naan.
Raj : You can tear it and eat with any of the curries..
After few min,
Chris : wow they are really good..wat is it called?
Raj : Naan.(read as "non")
Chris: Ok im gonna ask for more.(read american accent)
Client : can i have more naan("non") plzz..
Waiter 1: hmm...give me a sec (calls another guy)
Waiter 2: hmm..one sec sir i will send my manager
Hotel Manager comes
Manager : yes sir, my boys say you are asking for something out of menu, we will be more than happy to add it to our menu., can u let us know sir?
Finally i intervene.
ME : Actually we asked for more "bread"..
Manager : Aaagh..bread..right away Sir.
Chris : (Very angry) damn, so that was a setup Raj ..haan? I am gonna kill you. I knew you were kidding..how can something be "naan"...huh....
Raj, Me, Nikki --- Indians
Chris - Polish settled in America
John - American
Raj - Project Lead
Scene 1
Nikki : Ok, all we have to do is 12 (into) 2 and we get 24 installments...
John : No, i lost it..all we are trying to do is get the installments rite..
Nikki : Yes 12 (into) 2 gives 24 installments
John: No, i thought 12 (into) 2 is 6...hmm...ok lets do it together..
(Walking to the board) this is crazy man.....
(writing on the board) ok so 12 / 2 is 6 isnt it..(read it as ...ok so 12(into) 2 is 6 isnt it)
Nikki (walking to the board)...No John.....i said 12 * 2 is 24..(read it as 12 into 2 is 24)
John : ohhhhhhhhh man........i thought when u said 12 into 2 is you are making 12 "into" 2 parts....what the hell...
Nikki: no John...i mean 12 * 2 is, i multiply 12 , 2 times...
Client : where the hell did u get that "into" from?
Nikki...hmm...well..
ME : Well, we can come to a conclusion here.., we are all good at mathematics...it took 3 ppl to come to find out that 12*2 = 24 and we write programs to calculate insurance premiums...(everybody laughs)
Scene 2
Chris : Srini, can u connect the projector to ur laptop.
Me : Yes...after 2 min...hmm...i cant connect the cable Chris..looks like something is wrong with the port..
Chris : Let me see..Raj : let me see as well..(Finally we find the right slot)
Chris : wow, it takes 3 ppl to connect a projector to laptop..fabulous team.
Me : hahaha
Raj : can u switch on the projector john?
John: ya...(he switches it on..and it doesnt project)
Chris : let me help u (and it projects)
Me : wow, it takes only 2 ppl now to switch on the projector.
John: yaaaa...awesome job..we are improving, we will get ther..great job guys..Everybody laughs again..
Scene 3
John : Hi guys, hows it goin...done with ur lunch?
Raj : yep..
Me : yes, we are all set..
John: So, what do u guys eat. you face any problems here in America?
Me : Well..veggies might face a problem..but as for me, I am a strict non-vegetarian. (Everyone laughs)
Raj : Non-Vegetarians also face a problem sometimes.
John : And how is that.
Raj : We dont eat pig, cow, buffalo, sheep, beef,ham,bacon,steak, pork....watever..
( I was shocked when my lead actually said this, and you should look at the face on my client here..)
John : (a frustrated look) well..I donno abt u guys but I love beef..and ya i love pork as well..
Raj : Na...na...na...If you eat pig, you know wat happens, you get that tapeworm into ur stomach, and your stomach becomes a big mess.
(Meanwhile i was pinging him on his messenger..."Boss..plz stop it..control urself")
John: Oh, is it never heard of it though.
Raj : Yaa, thing is, pigs in india are not raised like here in USA. Pigs in india are equivalent to dirty animals, germ carriers, disease breeders...
(Meanwhile I on messenger..."bosssssssss...will u please stop it)
Client: Oh, well..
Raj : Also , cow u know........(I stop him)
Me : But actually I love beef, its good.
John : Thats my man....See...
(Meanwhile my lead sees the messenger and starts damage control)
Raj : Ya actually, i have gone to muslim dinners and they serve some excellent beef..
John : Aaah..Never mind...bottom line is i love beef....
Scene 4
Client here is polish
Me : Hey Nikki, i say the premium is calculated wrong on that screen...(and i donno why i said but i said..) haan ki na?
Nikki: haan.
Chris (Slowly walks to the board) : And writes HUKEENA. hmm..I see that and others dont notice that..and i walk to the board and write under HUKEENA..."haan ki naa" = "Yes or no".Meanwhile John gets his eyes on the board and says.."well..well..some language lessons goin on here..let me see what did i miss.."haan ki na" is "yes or no" in hindi..and "hukeena" is "yes or no" in polish...." man im a genius..I can go and settle down either in India or Poland..Rest of the room laughs...and he still doesnt know exactly why we laughed..
Scene 5
Team lunch in an indian restaurant.
Everyone in line for buffet in this order..Chris(Polish), followed by Raj( Tamilian) then me and others..first item in the buffet was "SAMBAR"
Chris: Oh..this is a different soup..hmm..looks thick..lot of stuff in it..hmm..looks tasty....
Lead(Very angry, calls a waiter) : How can you do such a senseless thing... How can u put sambar first...People will start thinking it is a soup..Well, chris you can have the soup , its good actually
(I promise, i had to use all my controlling power to stop myself my bursting out with laughter..because of the look on my Chris's face)
Believe me Chris did not even take sambar that day..Then..
Chris : tell me guys, how do i eat this thing here showing Naan.
Raj : You can tear it and eat with any of the curries..
After few min,
Chris : wow they are really good..wat is it called?
Raj : Naan.(read as "non")
Chris: Ok im gonna ask for more.(read american accent)
Client : can i have more naan("non") plzz..
Waiter 1: hmm...give me a sec (calls another guy)
Waiter 2: hmm..one sec sir i will send my manager
Hotel Manager comes
Manager : yes sir, my boys say you are asking for something out of menu, we will be more than happy to add it to our menu., can u let us know sir?
Finally i intervene.
ME : Actually we asked for more "bread"..
Manager : Aaagh..bread..right away Sir.
Chris : (Very angry) damn, so that was a setup Raj ..haan? I am gonna kill you. I knew you were kidding..how can something be "naan"...huh....
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