My encounter with an IITian

IITs and IIMs the premier institutes of the country - Every person's dream(or is it ?? ) to be an alumni of these institutes...

I am sure one would be very proud of studying in this college. Proud they are. When I was in chennai i had the privelege of working with this guy from IIT who just joined my team. I finished one year in TCS and he was a fresher. So obviously he had to get the required training from me. This guy had an aura, he walked with such confidence and talked with hell lot of confidence. I was like 'Wow...IIT is IIT'. Then I started explaining what we do, and this person started cribbing.."I cant believe i will be working in such a project". For first few days, we were talking fine, i never bothered about all his cribbing. But after few days he went overboard and I was fed up. Its time to hit back. So this is how it went..Lets call that guy Raj (Man, i like this name Raj..i donno why)

First reaction of Raj for any work that is assigned would be to say 'I cant believe I have to do this'. One fine day I asked him to write a piece of code for some functionality. He said 'This is so boring...'.Then I asked what fascinates you then? HE eyes lit like a 10000 watt light and was like..'I like challenges, I love to have a tough problem to solve..all this is so straight forward'. Then i said, "Ok then..forget the functionality and just fill the excel sheet with the defects left to be fixed and finish it by end of the day'. He was shocked and said 'Srini, i dont think you get it..I am from IIT, Indian Institute of TEchnology'..Having just seen the fedex-MBA ad i asked him 'Oh, in that case should i teach you how to use the excel sheet'..He had no answer and finished filling the excel sheet. This started something new. I found it funny and entertaining to pull his leg on him being from IIT (Please dont mistake me..I have full respect for ppl who are from IIT or IIM..Its just that this guy was getting under my skin)..

So few days from then..this guy was sitting reading something. I just went to his desk and asked him 'What sir, bored?'. His reply was 'Ya, super bored..i want something challenging' (Phew..wats with this challenge, why dont someone pls challenge them to a boxing ring and knock them out)..I said 'I think you will have fun solving this problem. You wanna try?'.He was so happy and said 'I am all ready. Shoot'. And then i asked him this 'If there is an elevator which goes at 2 kilometers per hour and each step is 1 foot high and instead of standing on the elevator i keep walking and take 2 steps ahead and one step back, and if the height of the elevator is 30 feet, how soon will i reach the top"?..He said 'Can you repeat?'. I replied 'No, because i dont know what i asked you'. Then he was very angry and said, in that case you dont know the answer as well. I replied 'I cant believe you were expecting for a key, being an IITian you are'. He was like 'You better ask some better questions and sure i will answer'. I said 'you better start listening'

So then, after few days we were in canteen having a dosa. So suddenly i asked him 'If two ppl finish 4 dosas in 3 hours, how many dosas will i finish in the next 5 minutes'. He said 'Data is not sufficient'. Believe me I was laughing for the next five minutes so loudly that everyone was looking at our table and this guys face has become red...as red as it can get...

Now he got my intentions and understood I am not asking serious questions so then he stopped answering me and started scolding me..'Stop farting, you are asking stupid questions'. My next questions included 'If you take to bus every day, and if there is no traffic jam, how many watts of electricity is needed for our office?', 'If there is a virus attack on all the computers in our company, can you send an sms thru your mobile phone?', 'If you got your salary on the 31st of the month, by how many points will sensex rise?', 'If Olympics were to be held in India, what is the process for bidding?'..so on and so forth...The questions only got dumb, dumber and dumbest...

And this guy realised that and said 'Let me ask you a question'..I said ok go ahead...So this was his question 'A person takes a boat every weekday from one village to another village. And the boats capacity is 10 + (1). The boat is never full. On Monday there are 4ppl, Tuesday -5, Wednesday - 8, Thursday 7 and Friday -5. The owner says, I will give you a full rebate if you make sure that the boat is full. So this person goes around the village and tries to get 10 ppl. On Monday , he talks to about 20ppl and raises the number to 6 on Monday, and on Tuesday he talks to 30 ppl and raises the number to 7.On Wednesday there is rain, so he is the only guy and Thursday he falls sick because he went in the rain. And Friday it still sits with 5ppl. So going by this trend, which day the boat will be Full..." I spontaneously replied 'Thursday'. He was shocked. There was silence for 2 seconds and we both laughed. I said, "Its simple boss, be stupid to stupid ppl"...

This guy apparently decided to move ahead in life..and got into IIM and is now a Manager at an Investment Banking Firm.

And he now talks only in managerial terms...I did work with Managers and I have friends who are MANAGERS..More about Managers in my next post :-)

PS:- Now its your turn to guess whether the above post is fact or fiction ;-)

Bollywood ishtyle love story @ work

I had a team member from Delhi whose name was Soni. We were good friends as we were of the same age and had lot of fun talking and spending time together. The oldies of the team i.e. my client John and my lead Raj and the other team members thought there was something FISHY.
It all started when my boss Mr.John was checking a list of To-do's on a board. He was asking me "Is 1) done?, Is 2) done..." There were 10 on the board , and all 10 were done. So i stopped listening to him and i just started saying yeah..yeahhhh..and out of nowhere he asked 'Are you looking at SONI'??...i said "yeahhh" and then he asked "Are you guys goin out?"..I said yeahhhhhh and then he asked "is 7) done" i said ya...and then i realised wat i said and when i raised my head towards John., he had a BROAD smile, his lips goin from west to east and his eyebrows doing a hip hop. Before i could correct what i said, the business team walked in and we had a meeting that lasted 5 hours and i did not get a chance to clarify.
Next day, my dear John was @ Soni's desk already helping me out. He was saying this to her 'I think Srini(Me..) likes you very very much. I think you both make a very good pair'. Immediately Soni calls me and says 'What the hell man, I thought only Indians think like this'. And dont ask me why, for some reason I was enjoying this and decided not to clarify anybody. And boy, it was such a wonderful decision, without which i would have not been writing this :-)
She works on 30th floor, and we sit on 20th floor in a conference hall.She comes to the 20th floor whenever we have a meeting. So, we always communicate thru the messenger.
So, the next day I was asking her for her birthday treat. She was not ready to give, saying it was over like 2 months back. But i was forcing her and the last sentence on the conversation was..'Me: You have to take me out for lunch'. Then she did not reply, and we were all set for a meeting. I have a presentation to make. As fate has it, i just plugged in the projector, and was making some final adjustments and this lady pings me 'Ok lunch tomorrow, you and I only and nobody else..ok??'. And i had 3 of my business team, 3 of my solutions team , my 5 team members, the IT director and the manager staring at this and everybody had a smirk on their face. Again i just ignored and in walks soni after 5 minutes. And gosh everyone started pulling our legs. "Looks like its a busy day for soni tomorrow". And she thought it was abt work and she replies 'Oh ya i committed for something, and i have to make sure i do the justice' and the others reply..'ya ya, we all know and everybody laughs'. She has a confused look and i continue enjoying it ;-)
Next day 4pm i was waiting on the ground floor for somebody and this lady comes from back and hits me on my head with her handbag and starts talkin to me. Then i see the time, and pointing my hand towards my watch i ask 'You leaving already? its just 4pm' and in the background i see Mr.John and rest of the team members walking with their coffee. Then she left and im done with meeting whoever i had to and I went back to my place in 2 minutes from then. The moment I open the door of my conference room, John and others have a confused look and say..'What, are you done with ur 'Koffee with Soni' already?, we just saw you down'. Then I replied 'No we did not go for coffee'. Then Mr.John walks slowly to me and says 'Listen Srini, dont let petty things come into your relation. Relations are very important and you will come to know only when you lose them.' I was really realy really confused..And then one of my team-members clarifies saying 'We saw you down and you were shouting at Soni, showing your watch scolding her why she kept you waiting for so long..Man we cant believe you did not go just because she kept you waiting'. Again i just ignored, and did not give any explanation. Smile was my answer
I was living in suburbs till this time, and she lived in downtown. Our lease was over and we also decided to move to the same apartments in downtown because its very close to office. But everyone thinks i moved because of her:-)
Then the next day John informs Soni that I moved to downtown and she smiles and says 'He moved to MY PLACE' and John thinks i moved to her place i.e. i shared my apartment with her. Again., I just ignored :-)
There were tons of instances like these. Jeff would find me waiting for the elevator and asks me 'Oh goin for coffee....with whom?'. Before I could answer, the elevator opens , and soni smiles at us and he says to me 'Ok you dont have to answer'. She was just goin in her own direction.
Days passed by, we started having fights @ work. Nothing personal about it, but @ work we had serious differences. We started fighting openly and the icing on the cake was appraisal. She got a raw deal in appraisal and she decided to quit. I tried to talk her out of it but was not successful.
I must say it was a joy working with her. She was one of those girls who made you LAUGH. She had a fabulous sense of humor.
One fine day she quit, and went back to India and lived happily ever after :-) . Its been 7 months since she left and even now my business team asks me 'Do you miss Soni' for which my answer as always is just a simple SMILE :-)
PS: Hope you enjoyed the post. Everything posted above is purely fictional.

Work can be fun...Hell yeah it can be fun

Read on...
LAST WEEK I had the privelege of working with Insurance underwriters who are aged between 50 and 60 and who have been working since the 'paper' age. Now they have to use the application which was developed by my team and believe me they just dont like computers and have no clue about anything. There was a business emergency last weekend and 30 of the underwriters had to work on saturday and I had to help them if they ran into any difficulties.

I was just not able to digest the fact that I had to work on saturday but then..."What" a day it has been...One of those rare 'memorable' days at work.Here goes some of the conversations.
Guidelines:
1) X here is an American who is atleast 50 years old.
2) Please try reading everything from X in an American accent.

PS : (No its not the end of the blog..) These ladies and gentlemen never worked on a Windows system.

I was introduced to all the 30 underwriters and everyone was given my telephone extension so that they can either call me or they can even directly come to my desk. Everybody has to login to the application with a user id "creator" and start working.

I take my place at about 7:30 am in the morning.
AT 7:35 am i get a call.
X: Hi there, you know wat..you might not like it but I ran into a problem already. Can you stop by?
Me: Alright, I am coming.As i walk towards her cubicle, I find her talking on phone. She doesnt notice me, and this is what she says on phone. "(Angrily) Man...I always hated this screen stuff. Paper was always the best. There is this white thing on my screen and it says I dont have priveleges, what the hell...I have been working in this company for 35 years and "NOW" I dont have priveleges......" and then she turns around to see me and says "Oh..you are here.."..I nod...and then she says on phone "Ok..the cables and wires guy is here..I will talk to ya later..bye" (Cables and wires guy??????)
Me: Ok so what is the problem you are facing ?
X: I just cant do ANYTHING.
Me: Oh..what happened?
X: I tried to login and it says you have no priveleges..
Me: Oh, maybe you really dont have. What is the user id that you used?
X: The same thing which I use for my Yahoo mail. I would have tried some other id, but I use Yahoo only.(Believe me guys, I did my best to not laugh at her but I laughed eventually..so had to do some damage control)
Me: (Laughing) Oh that was a good catch..You know wat, our application is not yet designed to handle your Yahoo ids. Maybe we can allow that in future but for now please log in with the id "creator".X: Oh..ok so that means I can log in..I thought I will go home..Both of us laugh...I laugh till I reach my place...:-)
I get another call
X: Can you help me? I cant log in
Me: (Fresh from memories of previous encounter) Are you using the id "creator"?
X: yes
Me: Hmm..Ok I will stop by..
I dont understand what the problem is...so i ask her ..
Me: Can you open a new window.
X: (very confused, looking directly at the nearest window). Did you just ask me to open the window? Its 0 degrees outside. (I thought this happened only in forward mails)
Me: No, I just wanted you open a new window and i opened the Internet Explorer.
X: You call that a window??? Well, then do you have doors, restrooms, powder rooms, kitchens and roofs in ther as well??
(Before i could say anything)
X: (Laughs) just kidding... We call it the "e-thing". Anyways thank you for your help.
The next one...
X: Hello, can you come and help me. I am not understanding the screens.
Me: Sure. ( I walk to her desk)She asks me how to enter values on a screen.
Me: Select one of the values from the "dropdown".X: Select of the values from the "what"?
Me: Hmm..the dropdown that you see ther?
X: A "dropdown"??
Me: I take the mouse and go and click on the dropdown menu which now drops showing all the values.Now she gives million dollar expression as if like totally shocked and surprised.,
X: Wow, you rolled up all those things into that thing there, as if into a blanket..Wow...can i just try selecting a value..(I nod and give her the mouse)She plays with it selecting each of the values and gives me a big smile..I smile back
X: Ok, that was so cool..so what should i do now.........
Next day, there were only 10 ppl working so we all sit in a big conference hall and continue working.A new printer had to be setup.
So a guy walks in and explains how to configure the new printer.
This guy had a bad habit of calling forward slash a backward slash and a backward slash as a forward slash. So this is how it goes
Guy: Everybody please key in S :(read colon) followed by \ (read forward slash) followed by the printer name.
X : Did you mean backward slash?
Guy : (Seriously) when i say forward slash i mean forward slash..
X: hmm..it doesnt accept..
Guy: lets do it again...please key in S:\(read forward slash)
X: It doesnt work again.
Guy: Ladies, please enter S: followed by the key that is on top of the "Enter" key. Thats it ..all hells break lose.......Now all the ladies together yell "There is no forward slash on top of Enter key. Its backward slash...."..."Man i knew there was something goofy in what he was saying...".."I never bothered, he was always wrong"...."I say lets not take any printouts anymore..SAVE PAPER"....
I never intervened..I just enjoyed the show.
These are few incidents that happened on that wonderful weekend...There were tons and tons more....and something rare is happening in my life..Im enjoying my WORK...............

More to come....:-)